NOT TONIGHT ----- Tonight.

I DON'T WANNA SLEEP!!!
NOT TONIGHT!

–.As the morning hours creep -
------up on me.

My mind is the attic you don't care for...
thoughts everywhere...
in no particular order...
overflowing up and out of their respective boxes...
maybe the light bulb is burnt out...
I'm not too sure. I can't think, cannot think a thing a thought a notion an idea. Not even a dream, or a feeling; fleeting.


I wish sleep didn't seem so.....Undesirable. So awful. So awful.


I just need to give in. In this case, it's okay.

NOT TONIGHT!!!

Yes, tonight. Do what's right. Overcome the fright.
Leave the delight
of staying up all night
to another night. It'll be alright.

And then I slept.
The next morning I was fine. A-okay.


September 3
2009
XO

A Brief 15 Seconds Inside My Head

A Brief 15 Seconds Inside My Head

Wreck, wreck, wreck.

Wreck.

Wreck wreck.

My hands continue to shake,

I took the time to check.

“Sit still!”

I tell them.

But I'm a wreck.

No outlet, no release.

Not for me – I pace the floors – not for me not for me not for me!

Could there be

a single thing

to kill all the

anxiety??

Not for me not for me not for me.

I'm a wreck, you see.

Some call it nervous, others OCD.

But not me.

I call it me. I am what you see.

Wreck wreck wreck wreck wreck,

a description of me.

Are the doors locked?

Wreck wreck wreck.

Are the windows shut?

Wreck wreck wreck.

Is the alarm set?

Wreck.

Do I look okay?

Wreck.

Is my pulse normal?

Wreck.

Am I gonna die am I gonna die am I gonna die am I gonna die??

Wreck.

Wreck wreck.

Is my heart about to stop, or my car about to crash, or my plane about to fall clean out of the sky??

Am I gonna die??

And WHY??

Why do I wonder if I'm alright??

Why do I wring my hands in plain sight??

Why is my mental state a constant fight??

Wreck wreck wreck. Wreck wreck.

On top of my neck.

September 1 – 2009

XO....wreck.