Thursday, September 3, 2009
NOT TONIGHT ----- Tonight.
NOT TONIGHT!
–.As the morning hours creep -
------up on me.
My mind is the attic you don't care for...
thoughts everywhere...
in no particular order...
overflowing up and out of their respective boxes...
maybe the light bulb is burnt out...
I'm not too sure. I can't think, cannot think a thing a thought a notion an idea. Not even a dream, or a feeling; fleeting.
I wish sleep didn't seem so.....Undesirable. So awful. So awful.
I just need to give in. In this case, it's okay.
NOT TONIGHT!!!
Yes, tonight. Do what's right. Overcome the fright.
Leave the delight
of staying up all night
to another night. It'll be alright.
And then I slept.
The next morning I was fine. A-okay.
September 3
2009
XO
Tuesday, September 1, 2009
A Brief 15 Seconds Inside My Head
A Brief 15 Seconds Inside My Head
Wreck, wreck, wreck.
Wreck.
Wreck wreck.
My hands continue to shake,
I took the time to check.
“Sit still!”
I tell them.
But I'm a wreck.
No outlet, no release.
Not for me – I pace the floors – not for me not for me not for me!
Could there be
a single thing
to kill all the
anxiety??
Not for me not for me not for me.
I'm a wreck, you see.
Some call it nervous, others OCD.
But not me.
I call it me. I am what you see.
Wreck wreck wreck wreck wreck,
a description of me.
Are the doors locked?
Wreck wreck wreck.
Are the windows shut?
Wreck wreck wreck.
Is the alarm set?
Wreck.
Do I look okay?
Wreck.
Is my pulse normal?
Wreck.
Am I gonna die am I gonna die am I gonna die am I gonna die??
Wreck.
Wreck wreck.
Is my heart about to stop, or my car about to crash, or my plane about to fall clean out of the sky??
Am I gonna die??
And WHY??
Why do I wonder if I'm alright??
Why do I wring my hands in plain sight??
Why is my mental state a constant fight??
Wreck wreck wreck. Wreck wreck.
On top of my neck.
September 1 – 2009
XO....wreck.
Monday, August 31, 2009
Let This Day Last Forever
On a shallow day last November,
I found you in the snow.
I was on my way to my apartment,
so I took you home.
Filled you with food, called you my own.
I said “Welcome, my dear, to your new home”.
And we were together
as if it were written in the stars
like a fairytale
And you took me in, just as I took you in.
The good, the bad, and the in between.
And we made ourselves a part of one another.
Love, like a run-away train.
We hold on tight, hope we don't crash,
Let this day last forever.
(and it will, in our hearts and minds, together)
August 31
2009
XO
Friday, August 28, 2009
Lie: I'm Grateful For My Mortality.
Sunday, August 23, 2009
Eyes Buried In Sand
Eyes Buried In Sand... Off In Egypt Land
For forty years I slept
for forty years I wept
I'm buried in the sand
like God's people in Egypt land.
Without wings I fly
just takes some strength of mind
(strength of mine)
Yet maybe I lack the strength
to lack such dreams
to lock such dreams
away with evil things
where they belong
just takes some strength of mind
(strength of mine)
there is none to find
cannot hide
away; outside
of the dreams in which I reside
You only exist
in my mind
(in mine)
you only exist
in my mind
(water into wine)
someday you will find
nothing is inside
so whenyou'reinabind
a sickness undefined
it's just water/wine
your friends already dine
with the ghost that you hide
so you may unwind
everything is fine
[a feeling so pure]
a lover so kind
[someday you will find]
nothing waits behind
[this death you fear]
in YOUR mind
(once in mine)
WHEN YOU WENT TO EGYPT LAND... WHO WAS THERE, HOLDING YOUR HAND??
-in your mind-
(once in mine)
XO
8/23/09
Saturday, August 22, 2009
The Insomniac's Prayer
Save me, save me!
My eyelids are growing heavy.
My body becomes weary.
It's a sign.
Every time I sleep I dream.
And every time I dream I die.
Fire & brimstone – my pillow.
The gateway to hell – my sheets.
I don't dare close my eyes.
I fear the world.
Deliver me from evil;
deliver me from my dreams:
THIS I PRAY.
XO
8/23/09
The MALL OF AMERICA
The Mall Of America
The nation's biggest panic attack,
waiting to happen.
Crowds. Crowds. Crowds.
It's Saturday at the Mall Of America.
Tens upon thousands show their faces -
buying their clothes
bringing – (sometimes beating) – their children
spending their money in this miniature ecosystem of mass chaos,
maybe not even controlled.
10% off means 10 thousand customers.
20% off means 20 thousand customers.
“Buy one, get one free”... the people swarm.
A sale is a sale,
and as I lay trampled by the feet of the crowd,
a stampede of humanity...
oh, the greed of humanity...
XO
8/22/09